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What would you go to the mat for? I mean really dig in, plant your flag in the ground and put up your dukes to defend or change. As a mother, I think I can speak for the other women with children out there in saying that I will fight for my kids. My goal as a mom is to keep my children safe and when the situation calls for it, I will step in between my child and whatever danger threatens them. This is a non-negotiable. This feels right.
But what about the other battles in your life? How do you respond when a friend is in trouble or when you’ve been given a scary diagnosis or when you are unhappy in your work or when your body feels heavy and bloated? Does instinct take over, like the mama bear protecting her cub or do you enter into what I like to call a FALSE FIGHT?
There are situations in our life that require a TRUE FIGHT, like getting away from an attacker or escaping a burning building. These situations call upon our “fight or flight” response, flooding the body with hormones that allow for quick thinking, strength and speed. A true fight is grounded in instinct and self-preservation and it is a very good thing.
FALSE FIGHTS happen when we decide for ourselves that something isn’t right. These fights can be bold & fierce, often followed up with unrealistic actions and expectations. Or they can be silent and depleting, usually backed up by an inner dialog that says things like “you’re not worthy”, “it’s too hard”, or “I’ll never succeed.” And yet we continue to invite these false fights into our daily experience of life. It’s no wonder there is an epidemic of dissatisfaction and unworthiness in our country.
Take the example of losing weight. How many times have you or someone you know declared that “the diet starts tomorrow!” This is essentially the same thing as saying the FIGHT will start tomorrow and in fact, I’d argue that it most likely started long before the declaration. It started when you couldn’t button your favorite jeans or when your wedding ring was suddenly too tight. It started when you went to that party and saw a friend looking fabulous and that voice in your head had some choice things to say about YOU.
It started when you saw that ad for Weight Watchers on the TV while you were watching The Biggest Loser and you wondered “what if.” Or maybe, just maybe, your fight started a very long time ago when you watched your own mom scoff at herself in the mirror.
What’s one of the most important things you can have with you when you enter into a battle? Armor!
Protection against that which is trying to GET you. When I see women walking around unhappily carrying excess body fat, the big question that comes to me is “What is she fighting?” That layer of fat is her armor and it’s not going to go anywhere until she waves the white flag. Until she stops the false fight and makes peace with herself and her world.
The one big difference between TRUE and FALSE fights is that one is totally optional. False fights are self-imposed and just as you can enter into that battle, you can also choose to walk away. The challenge is that often our false fights are so ingrained in our habits and behaviors that walking away can feel really hard. What if I told you that it could be as easy as turning around and walking the other direction?
What are you fighting for in your life? If you have a chronic battle, whether it be around your body, finances, relationships, or your work, how would your life change if you could have a truce?
Explore your desires and nourishment while taking off the gloves and walking away from false fights. This is the foundation of what we do in Detox With Purpose.
The main reason you keep falling short of your weight loss or fitness goals (and this may surprise you) is because you aren’t giving yourself the chance to walk away from the fight. And trust me, those pounds aren’t going to budge until you do.