Breakups, Breakdowns & Breakthroughs

Have you ever had your heart broken?

I mean the kind of heartbreak when the guy you were SURE you were going to marry and live in a mansion with dumps you out of the blue. In that moment, the world stops. Your heart aches and you can’t breathe, if but for a moment. Then, the tsunami of tears comes pouring out. Tears that drench your pillow, wet your hair and leave your chest muscles sore from heaving . . . . .

And then as if by magic, you fall asleep, eventually waking up to a new reality and maybe . . . just maybe, you feel a bit of relief. The guy in the mansion was a jerk.  He didn’t define you.  A new you has come through the storm and you are OK.

Change can be hard.   So often we resist changes, even the ones we know for sure are “good” for us, in order to avoid the BREAKUP.  As with any breakup, there comes a period of shock and fear. What does this mean?  What does the new reality look like?  Is a new reality even possible?  

It’s inevitable . . . after the breakup, comes the dreaded breakdown. Break-ups challenge our reality. They put us in touch with a part of ourselves that we are often not that comfortable with, and being creatures of self-protection, we resist. If not great heaving sobs, then the voices in our heads fill the space with critical chatter.  Here’s the trick . . .

Allowing the sadness & discomfort to come will eventually make way for it to pass.

Agreeing to eat healthy and move more sounds like a good idea.  We know it’s good for us.  But, in making these changes, it’s important to understand we are also breaking up with old habits.  Behaviors and habits are often placeholders for awareness and presence.  Once we break-up with the habit, old feelings are free to bubble to the surface of our mind, and this is the thing that often has people running for the Ben & Jerry’s.  Avoiding discomfort & falling back into old patterns actually prolongs the break-up stage of change, making it impossible to ever get to a breakthrough.

Allow the breakdown to come.  

We spend so much energy trying to navigate around the “mess” when often the easiest path is to go straight through it. 

It is after the breakup, and BEYOND the breakdown when we can at last experience the breakthrough. Sometimes the breakthrough comes in small moments of awareness. Other times it can feel like a profound shift. The spectrum of breakthrough is immense and I invite you to look for it. To be fully awake so that you can recognize even the tiniest positive shift.

Then of course, celebrate!

In my Detox With Purpose program, women are amazed by the FEELINGS that come to the surface for them.  I support them in fully allowing these feelings, without judgement or fear.  To simply love what is coming up and allow it to move through.  I believe that digesting these experiences is a beautiful and NECESSARY part of lasting change and THAT is the deeper purpose I am looking to put people in touch with.